Blogus interruptus
Ok, I'm back. Sort of.
Losing my only sibling has been hugely traumatic. Over the last month I've developed a verbal tic -- I can't seem to stop making this little noise with my lips. And I'm clenching my jaw and grinding my teeth pretty much constantly throughout the day now. I've always been a grinder -- witness the broken and practically chewed-through nightguard -- but I've become much worse now. Plus I have no energy. Zero. Physical or emotional. Getting through the day is a struggle. I really don't care about my clients' petty computer problems. So you can't get your email? Who the fuck cares? MY BROTHER IS DEAD! I want to scream it at the top of my lungs. The entire world should stop in it's tracks and recognize this life-shattering event. The loss of such a wonderful person. And my suffering. Stop and give me a few days to catch my breath. I'm not ready for the petty and mundane issues that seem to take up most of my days. I just want everyone to go away and leave me alone.
The idea of chucking it all and running away to a warm, sunny beach is hugely appealing. I want to lie in the sand, let the sun wrap me in her gentle rays, caressing my skin like the ultimate masseuse. I want to dig my toes in the sand and drink those stupid, fruity little drinks with umbrellas in them. But this is not my reality. Little things like money and needing to keep my job prevent me.
BTW, should anyone else suffer a similar misfortune, I highly recommend Surviving the Death of a Sibling by T.J. Wray. There are no easy answers, but it's been very helpful in a plain-spoken, earthy sort of way.
Comments
Been away myself for a bit - I'm so sorry that you have lost your brother. I remember very well that feeling of injustice that the rest of the world carries on oblivious to your own pain and shock. Please take care of yourself and ask friends and loved ones for their support.